How to recognise hidden feedback:

“We all need people who will give us feedback. That’s how we improve.”
– Bill Gates

We most often hear phrases our friends and contacts tell us.

a. ‘Because of you, we are always late to the sports complex’.

b. ‘You always miss the deadline to submit the assignment’.

c. ‘I do not like the colour combination of your dresses’.

When they say you are late for the sports complex, then it means you lack self/time management. When they say you miss the deadline, then you need to improve your organisational skills and working style. And when they say they don’t like your colour combination of dresses, probably you might have to look at your dressing sense.

There is a proverb which says, the enemy is always sweeter and the friend is bitter. A friend always judges our action and immediately gives feedback to it, both consciously and subconsciously. When I mean friend, it could be any person close to us, a father, a brother, an uncle, or a classmate. It takes loads of courage to give a feedback.

The problem with the feedback is, the feedback giver is also not aware that he is giving feedback and the receiver is also not aware that he is receiving a feedback. And the other problem is that the tone in which we usually receive feedback is not a pleasant tone and words are not kind enough. This might be the weakness of feedback giver in communicating, but a good takeaway for us is to ponder, think what is there in store for me in this feedback. And one more pain point is, the well-wishers do not say that they are giving feedback, the feedback does not come as feedback, we need to recognise it in our everyday communication.

The usual and natural reactions to feedbacks are to defend ourselves. It’s a human tendency. Defending oneself when receiving feedback is an act of self-preservation. And once we react defensively to feedback, it becomes scary and it could also be offensive to others. As normal as a defensive reaction is to feedback, it makes others so uncomfortable that they’ll be hesitant to give you feedback again. And luckily our friends do not mind giving feed backs again and again how much ever defensive we are.

Once you recognise that you are receiving a feedback, say them ‘thank you’. And tell them that, (example point b) when they say you are always late in meeting the deadlines, this is something you really have to work on. Or if you cannot thank them for this, just smile and do not defend yourself. Find a quiet place and time, and think where you need to improve upon. Consider these masked feed backs are making you good, better and best.

By:

Maaz Mohammed A.Q

(Writer is a learning strategist at Life Skills Express, a startup working on developing life skills curriculum for adolescence)

Building Bridges: Cultivating Positive Relationships:

- Strong relationships with family and friends form the bedrock of a fulfilling life. They provide essential emotional support, offering a safe haven during challenging times and amplifying our joy during celebrations. These connections foster a sense of belonging, reducing feelings of loneliness and isolation. Moreover, they contribute significantly to our mental and physical well-being, as studies have shown that strong social ties can lower stress levels and even improve our immune systems. Ultimately, nurturing these relationships enriches our lives, providing a network of care, support, and shared experiences that make life more meaningful. Think about the people who bring light into your life. What makes those relationships feel so special? Often, it's the simple act of choosing to focus on the good, to appreciate the small moments, and to communicate with kindness. Building positive relationships isn't about avoiding conflict or pretending everything is perfect. It...

Improving your perspective-taking skills can help you build stronger relationships:

- Ever notice how sometimes it feels like other people just don't get you? Or maybe you've had that feeling about someone else? A lot of this comes down to something called "perspective-taking"—basically, the ability to see things from someone else's point of view. It's like trying to walk in their shoes for a bit. But it turns out, this isn't always easy, and many of us struggle with it. So, why is it so hard to see things from another person's perspective, and what can we do about it? What is Perspective-taking: Perspective-taking is the ability to understand another person's thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It is an essential skill for building empathy, compassion, and understanding in our relationships. However, many people struggle with perspective-taking. There are several reasons why this might be the case. Why some people lack it: One reason is that people may be too focused on their own thoughts and feelings. When we are constan...

What if we could learn to value the things we have, just as we did in those simpler times:

- The Sweet Taste of Nostalgia: When Ice Cream Was a Yearly Treat Do you remember a time when the simplest of pleasures held extraordinary value? When a single scoop of ice cream was a cherished event, not just a casual indulgence? I do. I remember a time when our small town boasted only one ice cream parlour, a magical place we visited perhaps once or twice a year. Those visits were etched in our memories. The anticipation, the sweet, creamy taste, the shared joy with family and friends – it wasn't just ice cream; it was a celebration. We savored every lick, every melting drop, because we knew it was a rare treat. We valued it because it wasn't readily available. Fast forward to today. Ice cream parlours dot every corner, and frozen treats are accessible at any hour, in any flavour imaginable. The same can be said for countless other things that were once considered special. We live in a world of abundance, where instant gratification is the norm. And yet, something has been ...

Do you think people hurt you:

- Do you want to know the philosophy of why you get hurt when people say something; then this article is for you. You might have come across people telling you, “You are very disturbing”. “I don’t like the way you behave” “You don’t know how to cook a good food” “You are not productive at work” Do the above kind of attitudes from others affect and hurt you? Well, you should not be offended when they say something to you, or comment something on your behaviour, calm yourself down and think of it as their perspective or a joke for the day. I know it’s not so easy to practice. Tell yourself the person who is the potential offender has as much right to his opinion as you do to yours. Besides, they’re only words. They are not judgements on you. What can words do? They certainly can’t break your bones! Have a philosophy that ‘words-will-never-hurt-me’ it’s a very important philosophy of communication in any relationship. Think that people ar...

Explore our education resources- Click to read: We have Articles, Videos and Resources:

- Click to explore:

What is Emotional Intelligence and it's importance for successful life:

- Understanding the concept of EQ: Emotional Intelligence, or emotional quotient (EQ), is defined as an individual's ability to identify, evaluate, control, and express emotions. People with high EQ usually make great leaders and team players because of their ability to understand, empathize, and connect with the people around them. IQ, or intelligence quotient, is score derived from one of several standardized tests designed to assess an individual's intelligence. IQ is used to determine academic abilities and identify individuals with off-the-chart intelligence or mental challenges. EQ is a better indicator of success in the workplace and is used to identify leaders, good team players, and people who best work by themselves. Emotional awareness is best inculcated from an early age by encouraging qualities like sharing, thinking about others, putting oneself in another person's shoes, giving individual space and the general principles of cooperation. There are toys an...

Keep on pushing, you never can tell how close you are to your goal...!

*Much respect to whoever wrote this awesome article* *It is a mistake to think time is going. Time is not going. Time is here until the world ends. It is you that is going. You don’t waste time. Time is infinite. You waste yourself. You are finite (In this world). It is you that grow old and die. Time doesn’t. So make better use of yourself before you expire. And one of the worst things to do with time is comparing yourself to others. A cow eats grass and gets fat but if dog eats grass, it will die. Never compare yourself with others. Run your own race. What works for one person may be that which will kill you. Focus on the gifts and talents God gave you and don’t be envious of the blessings He gave others.* *Both Lion and Shark are professional hunters, BUT:* *A Lion cannot hunt in the Ocean and a Shark cannot hunt in the jungle* *That a Lion cannot hunt in the ocean doesn't make him useless and that a Shark cannot hunt in the jungle doesn't also make him useless both...

Happiness is just filled in, check your pass book:

- Happiness in Life: She married him today. At the end of the wedding party, her mother gave her a newly opened bank savings passbook, with Rs.10000 deposited in it. She told her, "My dear daughter, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your married life. Whenever something happy and memorable happens in your new life, put some money in. Write down what it's about next to the amount. The more memorable the event is, the more money you can put in. I've done the first one for you today. Do the others with your husband. When you look back after many years, you will know how much happiness you've both shared.' She shared this with him after getting home. Both of them thought it was a great idea and couldn't wait to make the next deposit! This is what the passbook looked like after a while: - 7Feb: 1000, his first birthday celebration after marriage 1 Mar: 3000, she gets a salary raise 20 Mar: 2000, vacation 15 Apr: 20000, She'...

Why EQ is crucial together with IQ (Part 1.1):

- Emotional Quotient (EQ) has become an important topic of discussion together with Intelligence Quotient (IQ). Let us try to understand the concept of EQ. Emotional Intelligence [EI] is the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict. Emotional intelligence helps you build stronger relationships, succeed at school and work, and achieve your career and personal goals. It can also help you to connect with your feelings, turn intention into action, and make informed decisions about what matters most to you. Our EQ (Emotional Quotient) helps us understand how we are socially active and creative. Image source: Emotional intelligence helps you build solid seamless relationships, helping you achieve your career and personal goals. It can also help you to connect with your feelings, turn intention into action and make info...

Team to win...

“The leaders who work most effectively, it seems to me, never say “I.” And that’s not because they have trained themselves not to say “I.” They don’t think “I.” They think “we;” they think “team.” They understand their job to be to make the team function. They accept responsibility and don’t sidestep it, but “we” gets the credit…This is what creates trust, what enables you to get the task done.” - Peter Drucker, Management consultant At the center of every high performance team is a common purpose – a mission that rises above and beyond each of the individual team members. To be successful, the team’s interests and needs come first. This requires “we-opic” vision (“What’s in it for we?”), a challenging step up from the common “me-opic” mind-set (simple truth blog). Below are some powerful tips: 1. Tap the unique potent...

Life Skills

Search This Blog