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Do you want to know the philosophy of why you get hurt when people say something; then this article is for you.
“You are very disturbing”.
“I don’t like the way you behave”
“You don’t know how to cook a good food”
“You are not productive at work”
Do the above kind of attitudes from others affect and hurt you?
Well, you should not be offended
when they say something to you, or comment something on your behaviour, calm
yourself down and think of it as their perspective or a joke for the day. I
know it’s not so easy to practice.
Tell yourself the person who is the
potential offender has as much right to his opinion as you do to yours.
Besides, they’re only words. They are not judgements on you. What can words do?
They certainly can’t break your bones!
Have a philosophy that ‘words-will-never-hurt-me’
it’s a very important philosophy of communication in any relationship. Think
that people are communicating their views and not forcing you to accept them. Only
that they might be rude in communicating that view.
Talk yourself out of the offence by telling yourself: “This person is simply expressing his opinion, and listen to how interesting it is! I find it so fascinating that someone can have such opinions that are almost the exact opposite of mine!” It is not necessary that everyone should hold views similar to mine. See the two sides of the coin, there might be 4 or more sides of a coin too.
You will soon see to it and realise that
you too played a role in the drama. And perhaps you will also come to see that
the offender had no such intentions of offending. It might be just his way of
expression.
Why we get offended often?
a. ‘It’s-All-About-Me mentality is fertile soil for being frequently offended’. Thus develop concern for others and try to live for others too, in that process you will also take little focus on others’ lives too.
b. If you feel your mom, husband, or friend is neglecting you, the neglect isn’t even about you either. It’s about them themselves. Might be there are certain challenges they are facing in their lives too.
c. In everyday life so often we jump to conclusions, assume an ill intent, create meaning to a word that then hurts and offends us.
d. If you expect others to act and speak a certain way, or assume others will be as kind or compassionate as you, if you’re offended when they don’t rise to the level of your expectation, you will almost always be offended or on the verge of it. Instead, allow people to be human.
Don’t hold on to the imperfections of
others so tightly that you strangle yourself in the process! Release! Let go.
Conclusion:
Remember, people are imperfect. You are imperfect. Life is imperfect. People who are internally fragile (easily damaged) – no matter how “tough” their exterior – break most easily at the wrong or misplaced word or deed.
Imagine you have built a slim glass
door on your four sides of your body and walking in a crowded market, is it easy to
protect the glass from damage? Obviously, it’s not an easy task, the entire way
through the market we are stressed out to protect the glass wall. Similarly, if
we try to protect ourselves too much, we start deepening the insecurities within
ourselves. We start to take every small act of the opposite person as ‘offence’.
7 life-changing principles by
ken wert. Please go through this, it’s explained in a very simple way yet
practical.
1. Happiness is primarily the product of thoughts.
2. I am responsible for my feelings because I am responsible for my
thought.
3. Integrity to moral values is central to happiness.
4. Doing leads to being.
5. Pleasure and fun do not equal happiness.
6. Happiness requires work.
7. No one can make me happy … or unhappy, for that matter (see #s 1 & 2
above).
I would end the write up with a small story:
_One evening a Grandfather told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside all people._
_He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us._
_One is Fear. It carries anxiety, concern, uncertainty, hesitancy, indecision and inaction._
_The other is Faith. It brings calm, conviction, confidence, enthusiasm, decisiveness, excitement and action."_
_The grandson thought about it for a
moment and then slowly asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"_
_The grandfather replied, "The one
you feed."_
The above article has references taken
from ken wert write up. For an in-depth read up please click the below link:
By:
The article is by Maaz Mohammed A.Q, Co-Founder @ Credence
Learning Foundation.
He holds an MA Education (Early Childhood Education) from
Azim Premji University and he is an ex hp employee. He is an ISO 20001:2018
education internal auditor and also holds a diploma in counselling skills from
Banjara Academy. He has also completed a basic CBT (Cognitive behaviour
therapy) course under Dr Ali Khawja.
He also writes for ‘Life skills blog’. Maaz can be contacted
@ reach.clf@gmail.com or Whatsapp-
9916 77 77 53.