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Putting guilt on other factors can protect us immediately. The harm is, it closes door for our improvement in long run:

When we are late to the office we tend to blame traffic jam. This gives the satisfaction that we are not responsible for us being late. But when we look deeply into the matter, if the traffic jam has occurred unexpectedly only on a particular day then this can be a valid reason. And on the other hand, if we are late repetitively, then this has to do something with our planning and self-management

In general, we try to safeguard ourselves by denying oneself responsible. In the case of city traffic, we put guilt on the city and its traffic and its bad planning. Once you put guilt on the other factors, you feel comfortable immediately. In a real sense, traffic is out of our control, which we cannot solve immediately or we cannot solve it at all. After knowing this, I should have been a more responsible planner. Instead of blaming traffic I should have worked on my planning and work organisation part.

This was an example of how blame game happens in our daily life organisation. Imagine the situations in life where we do play the blame game as we do for traffic jams. The blame game we play in relationships, the guilt transfer situation which happens in our everyday life. When the alarming situations and differences arise in relationships, friends, and workplaces, we tend to put guilt on each other which often keeps the problem open for a long time.

How does blame game effect relationships?

- It does not solve the problem.

- It broadens the distances between the people.

- It gives agony.

- We will not be able to understand ourselves.

- We might make things more complicated

What is the strategy to tackle the blame game in relationships?

- Practice active listening.

- Listen to understand, not to win the argument.

- Big No No No to react, but respond.

- Don't respond for the sake of responding. It's okay if you don't have immediate answers.

- Aim for a Win-win situation.

- Accept at the places where you are wrong.

- Forgive at the places when the other person is wrong.

Remember each of us has very different life experiences and genetics. This makes us think, organise, decide in a particular way. And so each of us is different. As our thumb impressions don't match, our engineering of thoughts also does not match.

About the author:
Maaz Mohammed A.Q is a learning strategist at Credence Learning Foundation, Bangalore, India.

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